Starting New.

For those of you who don’t know, I am a 26-year-old single mom. All my life I have dreamed of being a mother, but I can tell you that I didn’t imagine I would be a full-time single parent. My son’s bio-dad is not in the picture at all for various reasons and it is 100% better this way and while I absolutely love being a mom some days are harder than others. I think about the things I went through to get to where I am today, and it honestly shocks and amazes me at the same time. Some days I am full of joy and thankfulness for my now life, and others the trauma sets in, the playbacks of everything good, bad and in-between. Feelings of failing as a mother creep in as-well. “I never wanted a broken home for my child” “I wish I’d never met them” and so on and so forth. I have to remind myself and I want to remind all the other moms who are either separated completely from their child’s father or who are co-parenting that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! No woman wants to end up having to leave the father of their child. no woman wants to have to one day explain to their child why this is the way it is. No woman goes into a relationship planning on it falling to pieces and having to figure this parenthood thing out on their own. I will tell you also though, that leaving an abusive relationship is truly the best choice you could make for you and your child. Not allowing them to grow up seeing an unhealthy example of love and relationships makes you the BEST mom! Loving yourself and your babies enough and having the courage to walk or run away from a toxic environment has so much power and requires so much strength! They will know in due time that what you did was because you love them. Let me tell you something I think some woman don’t fully get and so they don’t leave. The way a father treats the mother of his children impacts those kids even if he is not directly abusing them. The way a father loves the mother teaches their sons how to treat woman and it teaches their daughters what is acceptable treatment from a man. The toll it takes on a mother’s mental health to stay in a toxic environment affects her kids drastically even if she has a smile on her face from sunup to sundown. They feel their mother’s energy and they will absorb what’s going on even if they are too young to express it in a way we will understand. Hear me when I say that I understand the pain, I know what it’s like to cry after your baby has gone to sleep because it just seems so unfair. I know what it’s like to grieve the life you thought you were going to have. But let me tell you also, It gets better. You start to find who you are without that person, and man the transformation is amazing! Not being attached to someone any longer who dimmed your light and put out any spark you had is your chance at a new you, a new life and a new outlook on yourself AND on life! Learning that you can be the entire package and still end up at the wrong doorstep, learning that what they did had everything to do with who they are and nothing to do with who you are or your worth! Remember this, if it wasn’t you who they had chosen to make a victim it would have been someone else, which means that the problem wasn’t you! It is all about them! That is something to take comfort in. From here on out we have more wisdom for future relationships, we set boundaries and stick to them no matter who doesn’t like them (because only people wanting to abuse or use you will have a problem with your boundaries) and we walk forward through life knowing that we made the best decision for ourselves, and our children and we start building a better life. No apologies.

I encourage you, if you don’t already to start daily affirmations. If you aren’t sure how to do that there are apps and books that can help. I suggest going on daily or weekly walks as they are good for your mental and physical health. I am a firm believer in Jesus Christ because He has gotten me out of some very bad situations including the one with my sons bio-dad so if you believe or even if you’re a little skeptical, try and say a prayer and a “Thank you” for the chance to start new.