Part 3.

Coming Home.

I stayed at Aubries for two days and then the most divine thing happened! Niki and her mother in law were looking for a house and they invited me to live with them. God provided the perfect home for us in a matter of one week of looking! A cute little two bedroom house. So I packed up all my stuff and headed to my new life in Pueblo. We moved.

Living with my best friend was amazing! We lived in a little two bedroom house, Niki and I shared a bedroom, and her boyfriend’s mom took the other room. The best part of it all is that I felt Gods presence. I knew He was looking out for me and providing even though I had gone astray. I didn’t deserve His grace and forgiveness but He gave it to me anyways. I think back on how Niki and I met and the things we went through yet we’re still able to make amends and then she ends up being my saving grace! The growth we shared living together was incredible and I knew God wanted us to be best friends for many reasons, this being one of them. He knew I’d need her and that she would need me as-well.

While I Pueblo I met a man while I was working as a waitress at a Sushi place. He asked for my number and I told him I wasn’t looking to date but gave him my number. He invited me to this church, one I still am so thankful I got to experience. I learned so much about who Jesus really was, how He lived His life and that He gave His children the Authority and Power to rule over all things seen and unseen.

As Jesus said:

“Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father.”

‭‭John‬ ‭14‬:‭12‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.”

‭‭Luke‬ ‭10‬:‭19‬ ‭NIV‬

Learning that has changed my life forever. I first hand helped people be healed from sickness, delivered from demons they had been carrying with them their whole lives, and cured of body aches and pain. It was truly incredible! Christ used that church to build His and my relationship and it built my confidence in Him.

Unfortunately the guy who took me to that church turned out to be worse than all the rest but that didn’t come out for months. We had amazing conversations about God and life and He offered me help and treated me really well…..until he didn’t. 

I tried to take it slow, waiting a month before we got physical which I know that’s not a long time but for me it was when I’m a people pleaser and setting boundaries was new for me. Things were golden. Then, they got less and less golden. He started wanting to be with me 24/7, always texting me, never believing where I was or what I was doing. I had put those rose colored glasses back on and wanted to see the good in him.

He took me to Vegas for my birthday last year and it was fun but I just saw more and more parts of the mask starting to fall off. He started problems between Niki and I for no reason. I ended up moving in with him because it seemed like things were getting better and Niki wanted her boyfriend at the time and father of her child to move into the house but there wasn’t enough room for all of us. So I did and that’s when it got worse. He started to hold every “nice” thing he did for me over my head and told me I owed him even though it was all offered to me and I was told he wanted to. I’ll tell you going through corrosive control does a lot of damage mentally.

I was trying to get on to the worship band since I started going to that church but they have a required 6 month waiting period. When I had moved in with my ex, I got the invite to join. Then they found out I was living with my ex and that went against their beliefs so they said I couldn’t be on band if we weren’t married. 

In my mind I was already there and I had seen how he could be so I didn’t want to upset him by telling him I was moving back out. So we talked about it and I thought he really wanted to and so we got married. It was good for about two days. Then I became the maid, the cook, and the sex object. In His words, my job was whatever he said it was.

I did everything except make a paycheck and so to Him, I did nothing. He’d belittle and demean me, I became anxious when he’d come home because I knew he’d find some reason to be upset with me. He was financially controlling and got more and more mentally abusive. We went to Vegas again right before Thanksgiving and got back on Thanksgiving Day. That day we picked up my dog Matilda who is the sweetest dog you’ve ever met. She was 8 weeks old, a fawn and white colored CaneCorso/Pity mix. My DREAM dog. The next day, I found out I was 8 weeks pregnant. A puppy and a baby on the way and that’s when my eyes opened wide. I saw how he was with the puppy, mean and neglectful , blaming me everytime she’d potty inside and putting her back in her kennel after spanking her instead of taking her outside like any normal human. My heart broke! Luckily she was home with me most of the time but when he got home it was nothing but fighting over the dog. 

The thoughts started. How was he going to be with a baby? I was terrified. 

He got mad about having to do absolutely anything even though I was pregnant and wasn’t feel well. 

One day, I sent a text telling him we need to go to therapy. He called me and his response was “If you’d listen to me we wouldn’t need therapy”.

My jaw dropped!

He started saying horrible things to me and told me to “get the f*ck out” 3X. 

He had said that before and I told him to stop saying things he doesn’t mean because I will leave. I guess he didn’t get the hint ever after the 100th time. So I left, I went to Niki’s new house, I brought the dog with me because I wasn’t going to leave her with him, I knew my cat and snake would be okay. Niki had just moved in to this house and neither I or my ex had been there before. It was going to be just for a night to clear my head but at midnight he sent me a text saying “You can stay where you are you’re not welcome back”

I left him on read and let him eat his word. I went back the next day and got my cat, my snake and some of my things and I left for good.

To his surprise I wasn’t coming back. He sent emails after turning off my phone service to try and get me to come back. Everything from demeaning me to guilt, and trying to love bomb me. I told him to leave me alone and that I was done.

On that Sunday morning he showed up to Nikis house! He banged on the doors and windows like a mad man! We called the police and got a no trespassing order against him. 

after that I was so shaken up! I ended up contacting my cousins that my Aunt reminded me lived not far from where I was. I went to stay there for a weekend. 

That weekend Niki texted me and told me she couldn’t keep having my animals at her house. Her OCD wouldn’t allow it. So I went crying to my cousins because now I’m homeless with 3 pets and a baby on the way.

They took me in that day without hesitation. They went to help me try and get my things that had been left at me exs, I had texted him on my cousins phone so he would have my new number and told him we were coming and he proceeded to spam text saying horrible things, so my cousins got to see who he was first hand. I filed for divorce not long after I got to my cousins. I thank God my ex is no in mine or my sons life. He left the state after he lost his job for being belligerent and got evicted from the house we lived in together.

I’ve gotten to get to know my cousin I never really got to see when I was younger because there about a 20 year age gap. They loved and supported me the entire pregnancy. They love my animals and my son! They helped me learn to trust people again and that some people are genuinely good people. I am loved, I am safe, I am home.

I would not have survived without my faith and all the people God put in my life to help me out of every bad situation. Even through all of this, the only time I forgot my worth and who I was, was when I walked away from God. But He NEVER left me. He has protected me and my son from a nightmare of a life. I Love that I am back to being myself, I feel at home here and I cannot wait to see what God has planned for us. 

Out of all of these situations I have learned to stand up for myself, to say no, to fight and that I’m worthy of a soft and genuine love. I am not a burden, I am not an inconvenience. I am allowed to have needs and be high maintenance. I am valuable because my God tells me so! He never stopped fighting for me and He still fights for me everyday! 

Keep trusting the Lord and He will come though. I promise.